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10 Xmas Movies That Are Even Worse Than Your Grandmother's Presents

LOL December 9, 2016 By Hugo

Christmas isn't only a period when it's socially acceptable to smile at strangers; it also affords us the opportunity to gorge ourselves silly in front of the TV. But don't be fooled into watching crappy Christmas movies.

There is many, each as bad as the other and certainly no better than the 12th pair of socks Grandma Dorris gave you so with those frightening thoughts, here are 10 Xmas movies we urge you avoid.

Incidentally. Love Actually and The Santa Clause are not on this list, which is a testament to how shocking these movies really are.

1. Jack Frost

So let's get this straight: Warner Brothers decided to release a Christmas movie that involves the death of a child's father only for him to be reincarnated as a snowman on Christmas Day? No thank you. 


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And yes, we know this is a child's favourite (because who hasn't wanted their father to die at Christmas and turn into a snowman?) but Jack Frost just screams NO, especially when the snowman looks more like a fat Michael Keaton in a poorly designed costume.


2. Surviving Christmas

A Christmas movie with Ben Affleck? We'll pass. Yet we can't pass because it's already been made and after watching it you'll never be able to watch another Christmas movie again. 


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Of course, we're sensationalising its lameness, and if this movie does have one redeeming feature its the aptly named title. After all, is Christmas ever enjoyable and relaxing? Probably not. Hence why you need to survive it, just not with this movie.


3. Fred Claus

Like with  Ben Affleck, there's something about Vince Vaughn that annoys people, and maybe that's because he starred in the Christmas howler, Fred Claus.


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The premise itself sounds quite amusing, with Vaughn playing the younger and more reckless brother of the morally-upstanding Santa Claus, but with little chemistry and a performance which suggests Vaughn is more interested in paychecks than roles, Fred Claus does nothing for the human experience other than make you claw away at your retinas.


4. Deck The Halls

Danny De Vito and Matthew Broderick go head-to-head in their quest for being their town's ultimate 'Christmas Guy', yet you wish they hadn't as aside from the acting prowess from everyone's favourite funnyman, this movie is a train wreck that even De Vito can't salvage.


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But the film does have one positive feature: it's only 93 minutes long.


5. Four Christmases

Making his second appearance on our list, Vince Vaughn proves once again why you can still make a career from bad movies. In this case, it was Four Christmases, which saw him star alongside Reece Weatherspoon.


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The plot, very much like the acting, is simple: inclement weather derails the couple's holiday plans, forcing them to spend Christmas Day with all four divorced parents. But nothing noteworthy happens, and by the end, you wish you could be paid millions to do a half-arsed job, just like the movie's leads.


6. Jingle All The Way

When Arnold Schwanegger famously declared "I'll be back", it was unfortunate that the iconic Terminator phrase became synonymous with the star himself, with the former bodybuilder having starred in every movie under the sun since his breakout role, and Jingle All The Way is just one of many examples.


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But is it so bad it's good? Does it make you laugh? Could it even be a perennial lighthearted movie of choice for those who lose their dogs at Christmas? No, no and no, are the answers.


7. Christmas With the Kranks

Based on the John Grisham book, Skipping Christmas, this film's message is wrong on so many levels, with a family under fire for foregoing Christmas altogether to afford a luxury getaway in the Carribean. But to the community, the decision is one which shouldn't go unchallenged, which pretty much sets the motion for the rest of the film: white people convincing other white people to buy loads of decorations and presents instead of vacationing in paradise.


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But more than the message, the movie's ultimate weakness lies in the performances of its leads, Jamie Lee Curtis and Tim Allen, who could quite easily pass as first-year drama students than credible actors.


8. All I Want For Christmas

Miserable children asking Santa for their divorced parents to rekindle their love is nothing new, and All I Want For Christmas proves that sappy Christmas movies rarely work unless you happen to direct the next best thing to It's A Wonderful Life. 


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Granted, wishing for love in a season of joy isn't a bad thing, but when the leads are nothing short of irritating, you can't help but hope they didn't get back together. At least then you'd have some drama.


9. The Holiday

Speaking of sapfests, The Holiday is popular with the female demographic because it has a hot Jude Law romancing the pants off Cameron Diaz as she comes to terms with her hard life in the hills of Los Angeles. So what does she do before Christmas? She house swaps with Kate Winslet's character and makes her way to the quaint English countryside of Surrey.


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Elsewhere, Winslet travels to Diaz's L.A. pad and soon comes into contact with Jack Black, an actor so insufferable you soon wish he rejects Winslet so we don't have to see him again. But four miserable singletons fall in love in the space of two weeks and live happily ever after while we go on Tinder desperately trying to convince someone that we're worth their time.


10. Black Christmas

Done well and a Christmas horror movie, or one with horror themes such as those executed in Tim Burton's classic A Nightmare Before Christmas, can be a refreshing change from the usual suspects, but Balck Christmas, a remake of the 1974 original, falls short of replicating its success. 


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And instead of feeling the presence of an icy hand crawling down our chimneys, Balck Christmas offers nothing more than giggles as questionable characters scream and shout as a slasher preys on a sorority house.


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