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10 Awkward Xmas Gifts You Should Avoid

Weird December 19, 2016 By Hugo

Unless you're a stingy human being who hates Christmas, buying gifts during the holiday season is a must, and even if you don't have much money, it's the thought that counts...Unless you give them gifts like these.

Yes, people have weird tastes, which probably clouds their judgment when it comes to choosing something appropriate so to give you a heads up, here are 10 Christmas presents you should avoid if you want to keep your holiday stress and murder free.

1. Two ginger children who demand to be named

Even if you're contemplating this as a novelty present to get your sick grandma laughing, this gift still isn't a good idea when you consider that the children could very well come alive, jump onto the kitchen cabinet, grab a knife then slowly kill her.


Not only that but they demand to be named. What right have they at Christmas to be so bossy? Honestly....

2. A phallic-looking chocolate Santa Clause

In all fairness, this chocolate Santa Clause, unwrapped, doesn't look anything like a big black weenie, which only makes it even more awkward for the person opening it.


Not all chocolate Santas look like this, however, but judging by the event's of 2016, we recommend that buying one of these just isn't worth the risk.

3. Handerpants

Coming up with new designs for products can be hard. After all, you have to be sure they'll sell which makes you wonder how 'Handerpants', ever made it past the design stage.


Alas, if you're prone to feeling an unconditional love for your underwear, then these gloves could be for you. And according to the item's Amazon description, the gloves are very 'handy'.

4. Toilet Mug

Ever had a friend who makes truly awful coffee? We all have one, and if you don't, then it's probably you. And, as this novelty present shows, drinking out of a toilet is perhaps the best metaphor that your coffee tastes like, well you know where we're going with this.....


In short, don't buy this gift. Even if your friend pays you $100.

5. Fundies

Certainly one for the adults, these 2-in-1 undies were evidently designed for people longing for a closer and more intimate relationship after the inevitable honeymoon period ends.


Mind you, buying a pair of Fundies for that loved-up couple could be a hilarious idea. Or a highly awkward one.... 

6. A poop onesie

Onesies are bad enough as it is, so in all fairness, this one's design is more than apt, as at least it celebrates its awfulness. But that doesn't mean you should buy it for someone else. Not even if you've held a secret vendetta against them for the past 20 years.


Why? Because then they might like it, tell their friends about it and before you know the whole world will have poo on their bottoms.

7. 'The Future of Eating'

Buffets are great, and though the food may be more plastic than your stepmother's face shortly after her latest round of cosmetic surgery, it encourages a Neandertal way of eating which is never a good look.


So whatever you do, don't purchase these finger sporks, not even if your friend lives and breathes for Friday nights at the local buffet. If you do, you may just find yourself bailing them out downtown for persistent food offences.

8. 101 Uses for a Dead Cat 

Most of the world are feline-lovers, so it probably won't sit well with owners of them if you buy them a book entitled 101 Uses for a Dead Cat shortly after their dearly beloved has passed.


Not that it wouldn't be funny, but knowing how passionate cat owners are, you wouldn't want to risk the laughter and find yourself on the receiving end of slap, even if the book tells you that your dead cat can be used as a pencil sharpener.

9. Grandpa Won't Wake Up

Christmas is a favourite time for grandparents. It's a chance to catch up with family members who deliberately avoid seeing them the other 51 weeks, and most of all they get to play with their grandchildren which is why you should refrain from buying an elderly family member this book. 


The temptation, for those with a wicked sense of humour, will certainly be there, but a book that details how two children deal with their grandfather's corpse doesn't exactly scream festive joy.

10. Beef jerky underwear

If you like getting freaky under the sheets while also having a penchant for beef jerky underwear, then this gift is perfect... for any time of the year EXCEPT Xmas. 


And to answer what you're all thinking: yes, the item is real and readily available... to anyone who thinks their girlfriend is understanding enough to slip a pair of these on without wishing their partner dropped dead.

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